Self-love, journal writing and letter writing to heal.
It’s been a while since I last blogged something.
Life has been both interesting and uninteresting. I’ve had a lot of thinking to do, a lot of ‘down time’ has been needed to recover from the emotional stresses and strains of my working life.
I’ve spent a lot of time reading, the latest books are about using a journal as a method of self-love and healing oneself from the events of the past. Something I need to do.
I have kept a journal for many years now, and I do vent and rant in it and find my way to some kind of clarity. I have become a little disheartened at times as I seem to end up ranting about the same things over and over. The books I have read ( Writing to Heal by Jacqui Malpass and Journalution: Journal writing to heal your life and manifest your dreams by Sandy Grason) have shown me that this isn’t a problem, that it may take many times through the same thing to come to clarity, forgiveness (of self and others) and to let go and move on. In other words, I need to be kinder to myself and not be such an overachieving perfectionist! And I mean that kindly
My plans for my journal today are to make a list of people who I need to write letters to for the hurts done to me in the past (even if such hurt and pain was not their intent) and to people I’ve not had ‘completion’ with. These letters that will never be sent but will allow me to let out of myself the anger, fear, hate, upset, disappointment and so on, and work my way towards forgiving them and myself.
I’ve swallowed down hurt and upset and anger and fear and so many more emotions with copious quantities of food. The emotional reactions have been locked away, though they burst out at times, quite explosively at times, and it scares me that this ‘ice maiden’ has such energetic emotions. I’ve spent a lifetime of nearly fifty years suppressing my feelings, not sharing how I feel with others for fear of rejection, embarrassment conflict, hatred. I’m not good at putting into words what I think and feel if I’m upset in anyway. I am, however, much better at writing things down, as shown in my journaling of the past decade or so.
I won’t keep the letters either. I’m going to burn each one as it’s finished. If I need to return to the same person or group of people over and over again to clear things up for me, then I will do so. I will keep doing this until I can write a letter that forgives them, and one that forgives me too.
Some of the letters may be apologies for the way I behaved. I do have a tendency to cut people off, dead, if they upset me or betray me in any way. To keep myself safe, I walk away, ignore them when they are around. If I’m expected to work with them I can be cold and short with my words, protecting myself with such a thick wall of icy feelings and icy words.
This is kind of a scary thing to do. It’s not the first time I’ve tried this, but this time has the feeling of ‘the time is now’ about it. Pennies have dropped about the purpose of the letter writing, of letting out all the things I’ve kept bottled up for years inside me in a controlled manner, the writing being the control.
Art has been pretty much on hold as I struggle with the idea that I deserve to love myself, finding out what self-love and self-esteem are all about, and just letting ideas filter through the conscious to the unconscious mind. Inspiration for art has been, maybe not lacking, but put on the back burner for a while. However, there are some creations, some that are works in progress, others that are finished pieces.
This is a really interesting article and it shows how the Judge made sure that this man would serve as long a sentence as is possible for being found guilty of manslaughter.
It was manslaughter as he intended to save the children who died in the fire, not to cause them to die in order to feed his narcissistic personality.
Bravo to the judge, and bravo to Jack of Kent for explaining so clearly how harsh the sentence really is.
1. Assume that you are loved.
2. Assume that those who love you find some kind of value in you and the things you do.
3. Assume, however, that you don't need to be valuable in order to be worthy of love.
4. Assume that there is no one out there keeping a tally of all of your failings, ready to throw it in your face when you're either feeling too good or too awful about yourself.
March Theta 1
10cm x 15cm (approx. 4″ x 6″). Uni-Pin pens and graphite pencil on acid-free cartridge paper.
The product of a couple of evenings work here.
10cm x 10cm (approx. 4″ x 4″). UniPin pens, Inktense pencils with wash and UniBall Sparkle gel pen in gold.
Just an experiment with a quote. I’m not entirely sure that it works.
Work has been manic and very stressful at times. You’d think that after a full school inspection some of the pressure would ease off. Not a chance. Or maybe it has a little, but the staff, including myself, are exhausted mentally and emotionally and are struggling on.
I was away for the best part of a week with some kind of stomach ‘flu or bug. Usually, I’d bounce back in a couple of days, but this one had me laid low. On my return I was faced with staff friends stressed out about one thing or another, complaining about the behaviour and attitude of pupils and telling me about the incidents I’d missed while I’d been away. Incidents that shocked me. I had issues to deal with nearly every lesson; one of my tutor group arrived in my room in floods of tears stressed about school work and other things, another sensitive boy lost it in another lesson as the boys wouldn’t leave him alone when he was feeling a bit overwhelmed, another pupil had left a class because the boys were picking on her because her gran had died the night before. All in two hours or so of arriving there.
I’ve been getting on my high horse about the UK’s government’s plans to privatise the NHS through the back door.
I’m appalled at our present society. The NHS, and the welfare state, are paid for by the British tax and National Insurance payers. They are not owned by the government; the government is merely the administrator. We, the tax payers own the NHS, as well as everything our taxes have paid for. They have absolutely no right to sell them off without balloting the people.
It is not our fault the government and country is in dire financial straits. It is wrong that our taxes are used to bail out the banks and other organisations. It is wrong that the common people are hit by rising taxes, while the rich are given tax breaks when those who are most in need have to sell their homes, possessions in order to receive the care they need; this will only get worse if we end up having to pay for health care. I’m sure our nation’s dental health has suffered as a result of the changes made in charges for dental care over the years.
We’re supposed to be a civilised, caring society where all have access to the care they need, regardless of their ability to pay. Health care isn’t a business, it’s a basic human right, same as education, which has become a factory production line.
I signed a petition about the changes to the NHS and contacted my local MP.
If you’re in the UK and are reading this, you too can sign the petition at the 38degrees website. In fact, please, please, please sign it.
It’s time the people realise that the government is answerable to us, the voters, that we expect them to manage things to take care of the society that contributes to the running of the country not the people who foul up financially, such as the banks, or to look after those who don’t need looking after as they are obscenely rich.
It seems that the government is stealing from the poorer echelons of society (and that includes the middle classes and professional people) in order to make sure the rich become richer.
Approx 16cm square. Unipin pens, Zig Art and graphic pens and water wash, Gold Stickles and silver and gold UniBall metallic gel pens.
As always, this work belongs to me and no copying, distributing, altering or use in any way without written permission from myself.
Approx 19cm in diameter.
Worked on smooth, heavy cartridge paper using UniBall UniPin pens, Zig Art and Graphic Markers with a wash and tiny spots of a gold UniBall glitter pen (the inner raven has to have a little sparkle in every piece I create it seems … )
As always, this artwork was created by me and so the copyright is owned by me. No copying, sharing, using or altering in any way without my written permission.
This is approx. 7″ in diameter. It’s worked using UniBall Unipin pens, Caran D’Ache watersoluble coloured pencils and tiny amounts of gold paint and ink on heavy cartridge paper.
I’m not entirely sure that it works. I think I’ll have to step away from it for a while before evaluating it with fresh eyes.
In it’s defence, I must say I lost myself in the creativity of the process and it relaxed and soothed me and has let me practice some ideas.